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"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell." - Joan Crawford "Like good wine, marriage gets better with age - once you learn to keep a cork in it." - Gene Perret "I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." - Groucho Marx
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#1 "God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time." - Robin Williams Report 380 points POST Eilen Great guy with great quotes 68 View more comments #2 "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde Report 324 points
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"If you want to call a family meeting - turn off the WiFi and sit in the room where it is located." - Anonymous. "Knowing your family so well that you can make out who's coming by the sound of their footsteps." - Anonymous. "In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on television." - Erma Bombeck.
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What is life without a little humor? Let's be honest. Not all motivational quotes come from the greatest writers and the most inspirational books of all time. Sometimes, motivation can come from the mean, honest, and sarcastic remarks that also happen to be the funniest and most memorable ones.
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Savage Sarcastic Quotes. 1. "I'd explain it to you, but I don't have crayons and a blank piece of paper with me right now.". 2 "You consistently set low expectations for yourself and still fail to meet them.". 3. "I've met some pricks in my time, but you, sir, are a cactus.". 4.
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3. "No, you don't have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time." - Anonymous 4. "My level of sarcasm has gotten to a point where I don't even know if I am kidding anymore." - Anonymous 5. "If karma doesn't hit you, I gladly will." 6.
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Like perfectly timed funny quotes, a sarcastic comment can put someone rude in their place or help you make a self-deprecating joke (think: tripping over your shoelace and saying "Smooth.
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Witty Sarcastic Quotes "I'm definitely a morning person but often choose to sleep straight through it." "I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?" "Jealously is a disease…get well soon!!!" "That is the ugliest top I've ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly." "Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!"
10 Sarcastic Quotes That Will Beat Even Chandler’s Ironic Remarks
The Best Funny Sarcastic Quotes And Sarcasm Sayings. Said by Oscar Wilde to be the highest form of intelligence but the lowest form of wit, the word sarcasm comes from the Greek and Latin for "to tear flesh". But, new research by Harvard, has found that sarcasm's bite is mostly benign. Start with the best good Funny Sarcastic Quotes!
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1. "Adulthood is like losing your mom in the grocery store for the rest of your life." 2. "Hahahahah" 3. "I am fluent in three languages… English, Sarcasm, and profanity." 4. "Zombies eat brains. You're safe." 5. "If my jokes offend you: 1. I'm sorry 2. It won't happen again 3. 1 &2 are both lies 4. You're a fool." 6.
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Funny Witty Quotes Sarcastic Quotes 1. "I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later."—Mitch Hedberg 2. "Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That's one of my mottos."—Stanley Hudson, The Office 3.
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"Action will destroy your procrastination." - Og Mandino funny witty quotes "Arguing with a fool proves there are two." - Doris M. Smith "Better a witty fool than a foolish wit." - William Shakespeare witty sarcastic quotes "Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no fibs." - Oliver Goldsmith short witty quotes "Down to earth, but still above you."
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Neither one works. ~ Will Rogers. This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic. ~ Lorrie Moore. The consumer isn't a moron; she is your wife. ~ David Ogilvy. Martyrdom: The only way a man can become famous without ability. ~ George Bernard Shaw.
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"You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed." "Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent." "If you want to change the world, do it while you're single. Once you're married you can't even change the TV Channel." "Mirrors can't talk, lucky for you they can't laugh either."
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Sarcastic Quotes About Fake People. "Oh, please, keep telling me about your endless authenticity while you change your personality like outfits.". "Fake people should come with a warning label: 'Contents may include traces of sincerity.'". "Congratulations, you're a master of disguise. I almost didn't recognize your real self.
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1. "When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark." 2. "I'm not saying I hate you, what I'm saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life .".